Dealing with Uncertainties
Uncertainty Is Ubiquitous
We all have a shared longing for certainty and security. We all want to feel safe and have control over our lives. However, uncertainty is a universal experience. Much of what lies ahead in life remains risky and uncertain, whether it concerns our health, finances, jobs, or relationships. These uncertainties can leave us feeling stressed, anxious, and powerless. It can drain us emotionally and force us into a downward spiral of perpetual “what-ifs”, leaving us wondering what’s next and what tomorrow will bring.
Nonetheless, uncertainty is a natural and unavoidable part of life. Very little about our lives is stable or certain. We have some control over a little of our lives; however, we can’t control everything that happens to us. Life can change unpredictably and very quickly. One day, everything may seem fine; the next, we may suddenly become ill, lose our jobs and struggle to put food on the table and provide for our families.
We’re all different in the amount of uncertainty we can tolerate, and our capacity to accept uncertainty varies in different situations. Some people seem to enjoy taking risks and living more unpredictable lives, while others find the randomness and uncertainty of life deeply distressing. Many people feel overwhelmed by the uncertainties and constantly experience feelings of fear and anxiety. However, it’s essential to realise that no matter how vulnerable and defenceless we may feel, we can deal with insecurities and risks better and more confidently if we accept the reality of our situation and face our future with enthusiasm.
We often face a lot of uncertainty on a daily basis. Each time we cross a street, get behind the wheel of a car, eat a takeaway or eat at a restaurant, we accept a level of uncertainty, trusting that the traffic will stop, we won’t have an accident, and everything we eat is safe. The chances of something terrible happening in these circumstances are small, so we accept the risk and move on.
Maladaptive Responses to Uncertainty
When faced with uncertainty, it’s easy to overestimate the likelihood of something terrible happening and underestimate our ability to cope if it does. In addition to excessive worrying, we might adopt the following unhelpful (maladaptive) behaviours in response to the discomfort of uncertainties.
Repeatedly Seeking Reassurance. We may constantly ask friends and family if we’re making the right decision, endlessly research information online, or seek expert advice to remove uncertainty from our lives. This seemingly helpful strategy can backfire and create excessive tension.
Micromanaging Everyone and Everything. Our anxiety over the outcomes may cause us to refuse to trust others or delegate tasks to them. This pedantic attitude may lead to excessive workload, over-controlling and even forcing people around us to change their behaviour to make them more predictable for us.
Procrastination. By dragging our feet and not making decisions, we hope to avoid the inevitable uncertainty. We hope to find ways to delay or postpone acting or even avoid certain situations altogether to prevent unwanted outcomes.
Obsessive or Compulsive Behaviour (not the disorder). We may repeatedly call or text our family and friends to ensure they’re safe or that what they were supposed to do is done well. These may sound like a good habit, but they can quickly get out of hand and destroy our composure, balance and serenity.
Perfectionism. Perfectionism is a behaviour that involves striving for excellence and exactness. It can manifest as being critical of oneself and others. It may include having unrealistic expectations, being overly critical of ourselves, and judging our self-worth based on our ability to meet strict standards.
Preparing for the Worst. Some believe preparing for the worst helps them cope with uncertainty. But resigning to the worst outcome can’t give us more control over risky events; it just robs us of tranquillity, sapping our energy and even causing indifference and apathy.
Correctly Coping with Uncertainty
Challenging Maladaptive Behaviours
We can question and refute our maladaptive behaviours to ease the discomfort of uncertainty by first challenging our need for certainty. We can begin to let go of negative behaviours, reduce stress and worry, and free up time and energy for more practical strategies.
There is a healthier way to cope with uncertainty, and it begins with changing our mindset. The following guidelines can help us challenge our need for certainty by embracing the unavoidable uncertainties of life, learning to tolerate them better, and focusing on controlling things under our control to reduce our anxiety and stress levels.
Acting on What We Can Control
Whatever our fears, instead of worrying about the uncontrollable, we should focus on acting on the aspects within our control. For example, if we’ve lost our job and income, we still have control over how much time and energy we put into searching for work, sending out CVs, or networking with our contacts. Similarly, if we’re worried about our health, we can still act by sharing love and kindness with our friends and family and using their support to manage our symptoms.
By focusing on the aspects of a problem we can control, we can switch from ineffective worrying and ruminating to active problem-solving. Of course, situations are vastly different from each other, and we may find that in some situations, all we can control is our attitude and emotional response.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The Serenity Prayer, by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1932)
Dealing with Our Emotions
When circumstances are beyond our control, fear and negative emotions can make it easier to feel crushed and defeated. Moreover, suppressing our emotions, putting on a brave face, or forcing ourselves to be positive will not provide the best outcome. Denying or suppressing our emotions will only increase stress and anxiety and make us more vulnerable to bewilderment and defeat.
When we can’t do anything useful about a situation, we can still face up to our emotions, even the most negative and fearful ones. Allowing ourselves to experience our feelings can help us reduce stress, gain a deeper understanding of our circumstances, and find the strength to deal with challenges.
Social Media and Uncertainty
Much uncertainty tends to be self-generated through excessive worrying or a pessimistic outlook. However, external sources can also generate uncertainty, especially during times like these. Reading media stories that focus on worst-case scenarios, spending time on social media that includes rumours and half-truths, or simply communicating with anxious friends can all fuel our fears and uncertainties.
Accepting Uncertainty
Instead of futile efforts to gain control, let yourself experience the discomfort of uncertainty. Like all emotions, feeling fearful and anxious about uncertainty will eventually pass. Focus on the present moment and your breathing, and allow yourself to feel and observe the uncertainty you’re experiencing. Respond to the “what-ifs” running through your head by acknowledging that you’re not a fortune teller; you don’t know what will happen. All you can do is let go and accept the uncertainty as part of life. Shift your attention. Focus on solvable worries and act on those aspects of a problem that you can control. When your mind wanders back to worrying or the feelings of uncertainty return, refocus on the present moment and your breathing.
Accepting uncertainty doesn’t mean that you should avoid planning. Accepting uncertainty doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a plan for some of life’s unforeseen circumstances. For example, it’s always good to have some savings in case of unexpected expenses. Keep a preparedness kit handy if you live in an area at risk for earthquakes or hurricanes, or have a plan in place if you or a loved one falls ill. But you can’t prepare for every possible scenario. Life is too random and unpredictable.
Focus on the Present
One of the surest ways to avoid worrying about the future is to focus on the present. Instead of trying to predict what might happen, switch your attention to what’s happening right now. Being fully connected to the present can interrupt the negative assumptions and catastrophic predictions running through your mind. We can learn to focus our attention on the present purposely through mindfulness. With regular practice, mindfulness can help change our preoccupation with future worries to a stronger appreciation of the present moment, help calm our minds, ease stress, and boost our overall mood.
Letting Go
Letting go is a mental process that requires abandoning or reducing our obsession or attachment to a particular experience, event, outcome, desire or expectation. We don’t have control over what happens to us. However, we can control how we respond to and deal with the events' outcomes, consequences and memories. When we decide to let go, we focus on changing what we can control, i.e., our views or perspectives and responses; by shifting our focus, we regain power and release ourselves from the emotional baggage that hampers our progress and destroys our future.
In psychology, letting go is related to mental flexibility, acceptance, forgiveness, self-compassion, and gratitude. Research has shown a strong correlation between letting go of our fixations and our general psychological well-being.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT is about acting, a values-guided action, which is about what we stand for in life, what really matters to us, what we want to be remembered for, and what we want to do during our brief time on this planet. So, we should use our core values to guide, motivate, and inspire our actions. It’s also about “mindful” actions: conscious actions with full awareness and an attitude open to new experiences, and fully engaged.
ACT gets its name from its core messages: accepting what is out of your control and committing to actions that enrich our lives. ACT aims to help us create a rich and meaningful life while accepting life's inevitable pain. ACT achieves this aim by teaching us mindful psychological skills essential for handling painful events, feelings, and thoughts effectively in a way that has much less impact and influence on our health and happiness.
These mindfulness skills will help us clarify what’s truly important and meaningful. That is, clearly defining our values and using that knowledge to guide, inspire and motivate us to set transformational goals and take actions that increase our chances of living a better life. In a nutshell, ACT uses acceptance, mindfulness and commitment to create behavioural changes, which produce greater psychological flexibility.
Mindfulness
When did you last take some time to do nothing, absolutely nothing, just for a few minutes, no TV, no radio, no eating, no reading, not even ruminating about the past or planning for the future, simply doing nothing? When? We’re always busy doing something. Even when we take a break or when we’re in bed, our minds are busy doing something. Analysing our past performance, sometimes repeatedly or worrying about the future, assuming, speculating and mentally examining myriads of imaginable scenarios.
After all, this is what our brain is made for. We need to learn from the past and prepare for the future. Nothing is wrong with that. But it’s easy to overdo these to a degree that we are constantly preoccupied, distracted and bemused. The result is stress, depression and anxiety, so we perform many of our day-to-day activities without focus and total awareness.
Mental Health Matters
We need to look after our minds and help them focus on what’s really important to us: our health, our loved ones or our professional performance. We must break the vicious circle of mulling over petty issues and help our minds work at their best. After all, we need emotional strength, mental agility, and focused awareness to live successful and happy lives. Our mind is the only tool we have for doing thousands of daily things. Our mind is our most valuable resource through which we experience every moment of our lives.
Yet, we hardly take time to look after it. We look after our houses, cars, bodies, hair, and almost everything else, but ignore our minds. It works automatically, quietly, and so well that, like many other gifts, we take it for granted and forget to appreciate and take care of it. The result is that we lose the strength and focus of our minds. In turn, we become distracted and miss out on things that are very important to us.
Manage Stress and Anxiety
Taking steps to reduce our overall stress and anxiety levels can help us interrupt the downward spiral of negative thoughts, find inner calm, and better cope with the uncertainty in our lives.
Get moving. Exercise is a natural and effective stress reliever and a strong anti-anxiety treatment. Try adding mindfulness and focusing on how your body feels as you move. Pay attention to the sensation of your feet hitting the ground as you walk, run, or dance, for example, the rhythm of your breathing or the feeling of the sun or wind on your skin.
Make time for relaxation. Choose a relaxation technique such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises and try to set aside time each day for regular practice.
Get plenty of sleep. Excessive worry and uncertainty can disturb your sleep. Just as a lack of quality sleep can fuel anxiety and stress. Improving your daytime habits and relaxing and unwinding before bed can help you sleep better at night.
Eat a healthy diet. Eating nutritious meals can help maintain your energy levels and prevent mood swings. Avoid sugary and processed foods and add more omega-3 fats, from salmon, walnuts, soybeans and flaxseeds, to boost your overall mood.
